too long.

i haven’t written on this thing for far too long. its true. and i blame it partly on the fact that blogging definately happens when one isn’t feeling their best. who wants to document things when youre actually out enjoying the sunshine and being crazy. my journal has been neglected, just as this has and it’s because i’m pretty satisfied i’d say.

relationships have always felt a big weird to me. in the past there had always (maybe not always but for as long as i can seem to remember) been a feeling of an end whenever i had thought about relationships. an end to what i’m not sure. my apperant ‘freedom’ i suppose. or independence, whatever you’d choose to call it. and this weird feeling i’d felt always got explained to others as some sort of fear of commitment. i’m lately seeing that this isn’t the case. commitment isn’t something i’ve ever been really bad at. i finish things i start, i do what i say i will, and i don’t usually agree to something i’m not into.
so maybe it’s something else. it has to be i mean. but it’s funny that i’ve been bullshitting myself.
i just realized that as i was laying in bed tonight.
jeff is in squamish and i miss him. he took an impromptu trip out there with the boys to see them off on their impending tour. and so i’m here thinking about how much i actually really am into this one and how i needn’t worry, because even if it is a commitment thing, there isn’t anyone else i’d rather be hanging out with at the moment…

neat.

i feel rushed. i cannot help it. every time this year i feel as though everything is moving in warp speed. i (think) i have so much to do before i leave to go planting. only i don’t.
trish and i have decided to venture to alaska this summer.
i’m due for a good new adventure. the photos to come of it will be amazing.

and then there’s the little fact about heartache. i’m leaving for a few months. and he is too. separate adventures and separate tales.
truth be told, i cannot wait for the reunion.

michelle and jacob in 100 mile last summer. jacob had a truck with every kind of tool you'd ever need in it. we decided we needed shorter shovels and he busted out his grinder.

hi how are you

paid my tuition today (finally) like a good little grown-up. so very close to the end of the semester and i just got around to it tonight.
so i suppose it was more a loose end.
today was the first semi-ugly rainy day around these parts in a while. and i say that with a huge intention of ‘however’ because honestly, shitty weather here is fucking heavenly compared to other places i have been.
it’s been two springs since i’ve spent one in prince george and i almost feel like i miss the smell of newly thawed dogshit, thawing earth, and road dust. it’s amazing what happens there really. everything is wet and squishy except for the roads. they remain dry as a bone while little heaps of pebbles sit in the gutters; remnants of the gravel spread to aid winter drivers on ice.

and spring is a time for new shit i guess.

for the first time in a LONG time i’ve found myself in a cozy little situation involving kisses and other related cute crap. it’s fucking lovely too. i like knowing that i can be amazed by, and fail to get bored of another human that i spend this much time with.

there are long blonde hairs on my bed and they make me smile.

timberwolves and whiskey shots.

the olympics are done. thank christ. everyone can wake from their patriotic hypnosis and get back to life.
i may be an ardent critic of the big ol’ games but i gotta say, what a fucking finish.
sunday morning saw me laying in bed till the last possible minute before leaping out of bed, having a quick shower and running out the door to meet jessamyn and kate. we were headed to the beagle pub to watch the game.
get there and the fucking place is tits full. we were standing in the doorway trying to watch. time to go downtown. as we were walking down the empty streets trying to think of a place to go we heard an eruption of cheering coming from an apartment building. we stopped dead. ‘we just scored. FUCK WHERE’S A TV!’ we began running down humboldt street, past the empress determined to get to the garrick’s head pub where we knew there would be a wonderful crowd. too full, time to hit cabin 12. amy was working and we knew they had a few tvs set up.
enter: greenpeace guy. my desire to punch him was overthrown by my apparent need to watch this goddamn hockey game (go figure) and when he said ‘hey guys, got a minute?’ as we dashed by i just yelled ‘HOCKEY!’ proving to myself more than him that i am impressionable at best, and apparently extremely excitable too.
the three of us got to cabin 12 a sweaty panting mess and sat down. amy brought us a pitcher of beer which we promptly downed and i requested more. shit was intense. there was much screaming, groaning, high kicking.
at one point i looked over at kate. the scarf she had been wearing was now bunched in a ball in her hands. she was sitting bolt upright with a huge smile on her face. she looked at me. ‘I’M GONNA PUKE!’ she said. between the second and third period we all called our fathers to say hey whats up.
then luongo let one in. i knew it would happen, but i nearly had a heart attack.
when canada finally won everyone was freaking out. we were dancing around the restaurant spilling beer and singing o canada. jeff showed up and scoffed at us all, remaining the only one in the posse who stood by his ‘fuck this shit’ point of view. there was about ten of us. we all ran to bastion square and made with the celebrating. i felt like i was back home. amy and i ran into the middle of the mass of screaming hockey fans, most of whom were guys and some of which were stoked there were some girls freaking the fuck out. i was wasted.
i had to work at 7pm. i got there. i was drunk.

applying positivist methods.

i would like to obtain two hook like tools and rip my goddamn tonsils out of my face with them.
fucking things won’t stop being swollen and it’s driving me crazy. CRAZY!
reading break is over, i’m haggard and the olympics are still upon us. aren’t people bored yet?
spenny, jordan, natalie and giles all came to this humble island for a visit last week and what a blast that was. it left me empty though. too much fun crammed into 3 days for one little person to handle. i had to shut myself in my room for a day and not talk to people for fear of biting them.
upon gazing into my fridge i realized today that all i have to eat is a can of soup and some bagels. i haven’t written a grocery list in forever but i will do that now. after i’m done playing with a little skateboard someone has left at the yoga studio.
whee fun.

rants are okay.

there are few things i don’t like about living in victoria. but here are three.
people on longboards (this excludes my two favorite hippy friends luke and natasha): everyone and their fucking dog has a goddamn longboard in this town. i want to throw sticks whenever i see one. people dragging them behind them all over campus thinking they’re awesome because they can balance on a piece of wood with big dumb wheels. i have respect for skateboaring. skateboarding is hard. skateboards aren’t smooth moving creations like these new fangled longboards. they’re somewhat difficult to manouvre. but longboards get no love from me at all. none.

another thing that pisses me off is people’s apperant inability to signal when they are driving. i cannot name the number of times i’ve been on my bike at an intersection staring at a car unable to discern whether the jackass driving is going to turn right, left, or keep going straight. they drive all slowly because they see a cyclist (me) and then at the last second after slowly approaching they turn. or keep going straight. it fucking KILLS me. i’ve also been cut off dangerously from these same kinds of assholes. buddy drives past you and is in front. you think everythings cool and then BOOM! turnin right.
i wish there was a signal you could give with your hand to indicate to these shitty drivers that you wish they would signal. until then the middle finger will have to work.

this city does something to people i think. everyone is in a bit of a daze while walking around from place to place day to day. you know that thing that happens when you’re just walking to wherever you’re going and you have a low speed pseudo-collision with another pedestrian. you do that left-right-right-left dance. DRIVES ME MENTAL! people in victoria get in my way more than anywhere else. many times during a day i wish i could just reach out, grab the badly placed human and move them by the shoulders. kinda like a bug y’know. pick it up, face it another direction and watch it stagger away, dumbfounded and confused, bumbling onwards.

we have two hundred couches where you can sleep tonight.

kitchen table. sunny early afternoon. strongbow. kraft dinner.
what. i’m excersizing my abilities as a dirtbag for a while before i go to work.
i read pretty much my entire blog last night before i went to bed. it’s funny, in my older entries i was really funny. and rude. i like that about myself. my ability to be rude.
woopsie.

the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night

today as i walked downtown basking in the sunshine, coat in my bag a homeless man sitting in a doorway looked at me and with a crazy smile on his beat up face said “Is it summer out!!!?!?”
“sure feels like it eh?!” i responded.
it’s days like today, when i’m feeling down for whatever reason, i remember that it’s fucking february and i could very well be in a snowbank. this city is a wonderful alternative to that. the fucking cherry trees are blossoming for godssake.
this is the month that all who treeplant begin to feel the tingle of anticipation about going back to work. five days into the month and i’ve had 3 job offers and many friends from last season who i havent talked to in months getting back in touch with me wanting to know where i’m going, what i’m doing.
the national planter-planter dialogue is happening again;
‘where you working?’
‘who you working for?’

and the olympics are upon us. i’ve been on the Olympic Resistance Network’s mailing list for a few months now and only recently have i been reading articles like crazy. i find some comfort in knowing that journalists in the uk seem to know whats going on, financially speaking that is. whenever i talk to people about it though theres always at least one guy who’s like ‘dude just fucking get over it already. the olympics are coming.’
uh. thanks. for that.
the olympics invading isnt the issue anymore. it’s how they did it/are doing it. its about the billions of dollars spent on crap we don’t need while people are still living in squalor, schools are getting shut down and social programs are getting cut like fucking crazy. it’s about the fact that for 2 weeks the city of Vancouver is basically one big fucking billboard. it’s about VANOC forcing people to cover brand labels on public television screens because they aren’s panasonic and forcing volunteers to dress only in ‘official olympic sponsored apperal. it’s about how fucked up it is that companies are preying upon people’s patriotism and using that as an opportunity to get them to buy shit. the amount of crap people living in vancouver had to go through in order to make the city more olympic friendly is absurd. promises made and not delivered by the local and provincial governments has made the city jaded. so-called ‘improvements’ to the province really were just done to benefit the games. case in point: the ‘new and improved’ highway to squamish/whistler. the old one was a bit too windy they said. too risky to drive. bullshit. if the olympics weren’t coming that road would’ve stayed the way it was for years. and because people have to get there lickety split to watch a glorified stoner snowboard down a hill, several kilometers of natural habitat got completely knocked down. i can think of several roads that would improve the province more if they were re-constructed. but it isn’t about highways or big ice rinks.
another thing that comes to mind is the ‘vancouver is the be all end all’ attitude of so many people on the lower mainland. b.c is fucking massive and the view of so much of the population in the south seems to be that the world ends in surrey. people in vancouver don’t seem to give a shit about the rest of the province. i grew up in the north and since the olympic bid went in, 14 schools were shut down in and around prince george. the time it takes ambulances to show up anywhere in the province is ridiculous. resources in far north communities were lacking and now they’re lacking even more because gordon effing campbell needed a few more dollars here and there to build some uneccessary goddamn building in richmond.
the thing that pisses me off the most about the olympics though is this: the fact that when it comes down to it, i can’t name a single person i know personally who’s actually going to the games. that’s the real kicker.
when everything is said and done though there isn’t much anyone can do anymore but protest. and my thoughts and best wishes go out to anyone who decides to join in the action over the next few weeks.
represent.

quote of the day

a series of text messages sent to me from my dear friend derek:

derek: nice fucking moustache you freak
me: hey, don’t be talkin smack about my stache
derek: not you. this yuppie in habit this morning. i couldn’t say it out loud so i had to text it. like oh yah cool levi’s 501′s rolled up over your rockport boots and cashmere blazer and asymmetrical haircut. shave that shit off your snarled upper lip. if you put half the effort you put into dressing yourself this morning into basic personal hygeine maybe you wouldnt have to strut around like such a prick. you smell like a dead farm animal. you’re not fooling anyone douchebag. i honk and you drop your vampire weekend cd.

my friends are fantastic.

my ankle is swollen and purple, the result of dancing gone horribly wrong and i’ve just learned that bananas are satan’s fruit.

how to feed an army.

i came home tonight and the stove was on. that made life interesting. considering i cannot recall the last time i used to stove and also considering the fact that veronica’s been out of town for a few days and heather was out of the house all day.
hmmm a mystery that shall remain a mystery. until of course the good ol’ heating bill comes along. and if it’s anything to worry about we will surely notice.
today was the first day it really felt like christmas. and i say that only because everyone everywhere was possessed by something urgent and insane. it doesn’t feel festive here at all. i blame it on lack of snow. and lack of christmas music. i have (thankfully) not been subject to the usual blarings of christmasy songs that indicate the season is here. i’m not complaining about that either. no christmas music is a very very good thing.
i searched high and low around downtown for a good gift for my brother. i found one finally but by the end my soul felt as though it had been sucked out through my eyes. going to work was almost a relief. it was somewhat normal there.
i leave tomorrow morningish for the ferry which will take me to vancouver where i will meet up with my brother and go to the states. christmas at the cottage. thank god. im done with cities for a few days. on christmas day i plan to canoe out into the inlet and sit there for a few hours.

and now for something completely different.
fuck matters of the heart. naturally, the second i stop caring, members of the opposite sex are like ‘oh hey.’ i’ve found myself with a new friend. a person i enjoy hanging out with to no end and who is smart and just lovely. and i feel like a dickhead because while this person’s intentions are quite clear to me, mine are not. and i’d hate to be ‘that girl’. the one that fucks with the heads of innocent boys who can’t help but care.